Just a thought.....

Sometimes I wish I had more patience.  It seems as if sometimes I just run out.  I swear I used to have more.  Maybe, as you live longer, your patience grows shorter?  But I'm not THAT bad, not yet anyhow.  I will definitely make sure I am aware of it.  Sometimes, When I'm driving, or when I'm in line, sometimes I just feel like I'm going to lose it.  Not all the time, mind you.  Just sometimes.  Sometimes it turns me into someone I don't like, someone I don't recognize.
Thankfully, as I said, it's not all the time.  And I realize that even the most angelic of people lose it. Except, maybe, Mother Theresa.  So I'm not a bad person.  At least, I don't think so.  I'm just human.  I can definitely work with that.  :) 

Cucumbers plus vinegar = Delicious?

I hate cucumbers.  Not just a hate.  A fear, a loathing.  It's the only food item where, if accidentally included in my order, I will return my food.  Because it just leaves that horrible, soggy, watery taste.  The taste that tastes like nothing, but still tastes vile.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I hate vinegar.  And most things vinegary.  I do not do well with German side dish choices.  The Germans seem to have a love affair for all things of a vinegary nature.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love pickles.  What is a pickle?  

Yes please!

A cucumber steeped for weeks in spices and vinegar.


I know.  I know.

Tales From The Massage Realm

In case you didn't know or have never read any of my blogs, I am a massage therapist.  I of course massage humans, but my specialty is canine and equine massage.  That's dogs and horses in layman's terms.  People often ask me, does anything strange ever happen while you're working?  My answer to them is, how long is a piece of string?  In other words, YES.

I've been in this business for about six years now.  A lot of things come to mind.  I remember the first really strange thing that happened to me.  It was just an innocent question, but it made me wonder about the client's home life.  I was in the habit of using warm towels and wiping down each limb after massaging it as clients seemed to like the warmth, plus it removed any excess oil.  After wiping down a man's arm, he opened his eyes and said to me, "That felt great.  Was that your hair you wiped me down with?"  Um.  Ok.  That would be a big fat NO.  First of all, who wants to be wiped down with hair?  I mean, I am sure there are people out there like that - I've heard of worse.  But to me....that's just so weird.  Also, at the time, my hair was no longer than ear length.  So my thought was, how close did he think I actually wanted to get to him?  To his face, his furry forearm, his armpit?  Not that close, I can assure you.

I haven't been asked to do this.  YET.

Another interesting aspect of my job is performing couple's massages.  This is when we have a couple in the room at the same time - it could be spouses, partners, sisters, whatever - mainly it is partners and spouses, celebrating some kind of milestone.  We don't do the massages perfectly in sync or anything like that - we just make sure that we end the massage at the same time.  I have found in my experience that some couples are extremely jealous, and don't want another person touching their significant other.  This leads to them not being able to relax and so they watch the other therapist constantly.  More than once I have felt a client's eyes burning into my soul, waiting for me to peek at their other half's nether regions, I suppose.  Or maybe they just like to watch the other half relax.  Who knows?  All I know is, the eyes are extremely off putting.  I remember one time we had this extremely difficult woman who was very jealous, yet insisted on coming in once a month to have a couple's massage with her husband.  About halfway through he sighed and said, "Honey, you have to learn how to do this.  It feels so good".  She shot me a look like thunder and watched me for the whole massage.  Jeez lady!  I'm just doing my job.

Even more interesting is when I'm working on animals.  Dogs tend to become very relaxed and, uh, pass gas with great ferocity.  Many times I have been working on an older dog and hear a light "pfft" come from the back end.  All of a sudden I smell something like a mixture of sulfur, Beggin' Strips, and rotting vegetables fill the room like a silent vapor.  Most of the time I just hold my breath and keep working; however, if the Mom or Dad just happens to be in the room I HAVE to say something.  I don't want them thinking it was me!  They would never invite me back! And horses - forget it!  When I see that tail lift up, I back up about three feet or more.  Who knows what could be coming out that end?  Whatever it is, I want to be a safe distance from it.  

That's one type of canine massage, I guess.

Another time I worked on a Great Mastiff.  He became relaxed and rolled over - and I then saw the biggest testicles I have ever seen on man or beast. 

I turned to the owner and said, "Are you planning on breeding this big guy?". 

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"Oh, no particular reason".  My eyes can never unsee those bad boys, let me tell you.

With all this though, with the strange folks, the moaners, the groaners, the people who show up late and insist on getting their full massage because the world revolves around them, the jealous folks, the no shows, the dog farts, the horse tail lifting - I wouldn't change my job for the world.  There's nothing better than hearing from a client saying how much better they feel, or hearing from a dog or horse's owner telling them that you really made a difference for them.  And if it weren't for all the strange stuff, my job would be so....boring.  So here's to all the weird goings on that make the world go round.  It takes all kinds - at least that's what my Grandma would say - and damn, was she right.